Parenting Problems - What Good Parents Know That Bad Parents Don't

Parenting problems are usually expressed by "what to do if..." questions. We want to know what to do if a child is stubborn, naughty, slow, sloppy, lazy, and rude. What if a child disobeys, smokes, steals, and lies? What if a child is cowardly, dependent, weak-willed, careless, tactless, spiteful, greedy, stingy, and shy? The list of questions is endless. When parents find the answer to one problem they are faced with another one waiting further down the road of upbringing. Why do some parents keep facing these problems, and why do some parents have no problems with their children at all? What is the secret of good parenting? Is it possible to learn how to raise children without the necessity for "what to do if..." questions?

Simon Soloveychik, the author of Parenting For Everyone says yes, it is possible. The secret of good parenting exists in the field of ethics. Stated simply, ethics is the science about good and bad and how to differentiate between them. When parents understand the difference between good and bad they acquire intelligence.

So, from an ethical point of view, what do good parents know that bad parents don't?

1. Good parents know that they are good and honest people.
2. Good parents know that their child is a good and honest child.
3. Good parents know that there are many other good and honest people in the world and that there are more good people than bad ones.

The first statement says that effective parents have faith in their goodness. Generally they have healthy self-esteem and conscientiousness. So they view their lives in a positive way. They also have a positive approach to life's challenges. They are free people. They are not afraid of people. And they are not afraid of their own children.

The second statement is very important for parenting. Many mistakes come from underestimating the significance of this statement. Believe that your child is good and honest. Then your child will believe you, and will form the right image of himself in his mind. Your child will act accordingly to the belief, which you infected him with.

The third statement is especially important. Children will sense whether you are truthful or not when it comes to judging others. If you believe that there are more bad people than good ones in the world, you impart to your child the idea that the world is a dangerous place. In a dangerous world you cannot trust anybody. When you pretend that you trust someone children notice this fake attitude, and they lose trust in you. When children stop trusting you all the other problems begin.

How do you learn to believe in yourself, in your child, and in goodness in the world? By education, by reading, by learning about the laws of the development of the human spirit. It requires a work of soul. There is no other way to avoid problems in parenting.

Parenting Information - Regarding Two Types of Parents

Parenting is the most contradictory and confusing subject of discussion. Each parent has their own opinion about it. Yet, there are clearly two groups of parents, which differ by their attitude toward children.

A first type of parents find children interesting people. They never get bored with children. When giving an apple to a child such parents would enjoy watching the child eat the apple. So they don't expect children to be perfect, because they admit that they are not perfect too. They can make mistakes, so they let children do their mistakes as well. They don't try to convince anyone that they are always right. Therefore they don't have to fight with children to prove their point of view. They accept children as equal.

Another type of parents look at children as objects for teaching. When giving an apple to a child such parents would watch to make sure the child says thank you. If the child forgot about being grateful because he or she simply enjoyed eating the apple those parents would always remind the child, no matter if the reminding itself may be tactless. They think that their major role in parenting is to give the child an approval or disapproval of everything the child does. When meeting a school boy they only can ask "How are your grades?" (What else is there to talk about?) They are concerned about their righteousness and are defensive when a child addresses the parents' weaknesses. They perceive child's words as an attack to their authority and a power struggle ensues. They are afraid of losing control over the child and eventually this leads to fear of the child.

Parents of the first type, on the other hand, are not afraid of children, because there is no reason for power struggles. They don't blame children. They also don't blame anybody else for their life's misfortunes; they are responsible for their own lives. However, they don't expect children to be responsible for children's lives, because children are still children. And children eventually learn about responsibility from these parents.

How to Discipline a Defiant Child - Is the Reward System Effective?

Parenting a defiant child is a difficult responsibility. You might always experience power struggles with your child. This can indeed be frustrating for parents. Just imagine the stress and hardship that a parent can go through. Learning how to discipline a defiant child will help transform the terrible behavior. One technique in disciplining a child that is proven effective is the use of a reward system.

What is a reward system? It is a system that a parent can follow wherein you give your defiant child sets or rewards or privileges when he or she exhibited good behavior. The point here is to give the reward after the child showed the behavior that is desired.

For a parent to successfully motivate his or her child to behave positively, rewards that appeal to the child should be provided. Parents should list down the things that his or child normally wants. This list will be handy as you will know what to give your child on different instances. It should not always be something of intangible or material things. It could be a simple praise that a child would typically want to hear from his or her parents after doing something good. Spending time playing with the child after finishing his or her chores is also another example. Of course, you can also give material things like ice cream, a new toy and other child stuffs.

In disciplining a defiant child, reward system should be followed in moderation. Parents should not overdo this as the child can be affected negatively. He or she may do certain things just to get the reward which should not be the case. Discussing with the child why he or she is rewarded in the first place and stressing that a good behavior should be followed normally can help strengthen the reward system.

The Torture Of Children In America During The 1920s To The 1950s

Starting in the 1920s and continuing into the 1950s American children were the helpless victims of an unbelievable cruelty. In one year 2.2 million children were born and several years later 2 million had their tonsils out. Ether was used for anesthesia. It is harmful and very dangerous. There was no pain relief. Over these years no one questioned this practice. Tonsils do not cause colds and disease--just the opposite. When Polio showed up, it was found that kids who had their tonsils out, were almost five times more likely to contract paralysis polio.

I thought I had forgotten this but a recent phone call brought back the memories.

In those years many terrible things were visited upon children and no one cared that it might be damaging or harmful. Very few knew better. Parents were easily fooled by "authority". "This will help your children" was an excuse.

Most of the children were between the ages of four and eight. One day my parents asked me if I wanted to go to a place where I could have all the Popsicles and ice cream I could eat. This sounded wonderful. We got into the car and drove to a brick building somewhere. We went upstairs to a room filled with beds along one wall. I was put into one of the beds and saw that there were other children in beds, too.

All of a sudden this person came to the side of my bed and tied my little wrists to something. Then they placed a metal mesh cone over my nose and mouth. I was told to breathe deeply. I smelled the bitter-sweet odor of ether which I will never forget-ever. I went to sleep.

When I awoke, there was total silence. Those sweet little voices were gone. Before there had been the chatter of little kids. I was in so much pain that I was paralyzed. We all have to swallow sometime and when I did, my body spasmed along with everyone else. Then the parents trooped into the room. They were trying to coax their kids into sucking on ice or eating Popsicles. I turned my head and refused everything. There was absolutely no relief for the pain.The agony was unbearable. I eventually sucked on a Popsicle..

I could not believe what had been done to me. We had been betrayed by those we loved the most--our parents. Where were our loving parents to let this happen? Our tonsils had been removed. It was believed by idiot adults that tonsils had to be removed because they caused colds and infections which is not true. I was four years old.

"Daddy Ball" - And Other Youth Sports Sins

It seems that every corner of our society has its own lingo. During a recent ski trip with my teenage sons I discovered my ignorance of an entirely new foreign language, that of the snowboard subculture. I was ashamed to ask for clarification of such (apparently) basic terms as "dropping in" (i.e., starting downhill), "throwing down" a trick (i.e., doing a trick), "knuckling" a jump (landing on the hump instead of the down slope), or "rag-dolling" (falling severely, with arms and legs wildly flailing). Fortunately, none of these terms had application to my own skiing style anyway, since I wasn't about to "thrown down" anything, at least not on purpose.

As spring approaches and our kids are about to begin another sports season, I began thinking about the many catchy terms I've heard used in reference to the sometimes wacky world of youth sports. Some have been around forever, some are recent creations and some I may have even made up myself. But the more terms I recalled, the more they collectively started to represent another "lingo" of their own. As I started to write them down I could see that they were slanting towards a particular theme; a theme that represented an over-zealousness and loss of perspective from which most of us have probably suffered at some time. In the spirit of sharing, I thought I would list the index of our many "sins" defined by this lingo. Here goes:

The Crazies -- Those who engage in any manner of overzealous behavior with respect to youth sports, segmented as follows:

Vocal Crazies -- Inclined to yell, scream, insult, criticize, argue or complain.

Physical Crazies -- Inclined to spit, throw stuff, slam stuff, shove or engage in fist-a-cuffs.

Obsessive Crazies -- Inclined to be constantly thinking about, constantly talking about and constantly worried about anything having to do with our kids' sports (especially how our own kids stack up against the other kids).

Daddy Ball -- Dads who coach teams on which their own children just happen to be the starting shortstop, point guard, quarterback, lead-off batter; not to mention, annually selected for every all-star roster.

Daddy Vision (or Mommy Vision)-- Parents who see their children as the next coming of Derek Jeter or Mia Hamm when the rest of the world sees a very nice kid with average athleticism.

"Duh" Coaching -- Describes any painfully obvious coaching directives shouted towards players on the field. Common examples include:

(e.g., after a dropped fly ball,) "Ya' gotta catch that, Jimmy!".....Duh.

(e.g., to a pitcher on the mound,) "C'mon Jimmy, throw strikes!".....Duh.

(e.g., to a pitcher who was up 0-2 in the count, but just threw two balls,) "Don't lose 'im, Jimmy!".....Duh.

First Son Syndrome (FSS)-- A condition suffered by parents of first-born sons in youth sports, marked by symptoms of obsessive worry over every bobbled ground ball, and excessive celebration over every successful journey to first base. (Symptoms diminish significantly with each successive sibling born.)

Glory Days Disease (GDD) -- A sad and pathetic disorder among parents who live vicariously through the athletic exploits of their children. Tell-tale symptoms include statements like, "Hey, when I was 12 years old we won the District 3 championship," while believing that others are actually emotionally moved by such information.

Kids as Commodities -- The practice of parents engaged in analytical commentaries about the relative athletic abilities of 8 to 12-year-old "players" (aka, kids), wherein their various skill-sets are compared and dissected in a manner fitting for ESPN SportsCenter.

Only Child Syndrome (OCS) -- A more severe form of FSS with no hope of diminishing symptoms over time.

"Oh C'mon!" -- A term used by Dads to express great exasperation over any bad call, missed tackle, dropped ball, or anything else they find irksome on the field of play (best delivered with head thrown back and arms thrown in the air).

"Heyyy!" -- A term used by Moms to express great indignation any time their son or daughter gets, bumped, checked, fouled or has the ball taken away (legally or otherwise, it doesn't matter).

"You gotta' be kidding!" -- A term used by parents to articulate their disagreement with an official's ruling on the field of play.

"Get your head in the game!" -- A term used to motivate a player who is perceived to be playing below par.

The chances are we are all probably guilty of one or more of these sins at least to some degree. As I list them in print, some of them are actually pretty hysterical when you think about it. Of course, I guess it becomes less funny to think that all of these terms represent words that are actually said and events that actually happen - all the time. The kids probably don't think they are too funny. So as we head off to those first lacrosse and baseball practices of the season it's probably good to look at this self-deprecating "lingo" and laugh. Because if we do, it means we realize how ridiculous we can all behave when it comes to our kids and sports. Better still, we might be able to catch ourselves the next time we start to transform into any version of....."The Crazies!"

Wound Healing Process

The wound healing process of our minds is far more difficult than the healing process of a physical wound.

Most of us fear the thought of a physical wound much more than a wound of our mind or emotions. I believe most of us do not compare mental pain as a wound in any way period.

The facts tell me a wound of the mind draws us to drugs more than a physical wound may. I understand that we have been lead to believe that drugs are the cure all to our physical pain.

We see the advertisements everywhere we go. This medicine relieves pain for this and that fast and for a long duration. They have a pain drug for everything under the sun. It does not surprise me we have a drug problem throughout our world. They tell us it is fine to take these medicines it's just another part of our daily lives.

I am not saying these drugs should not be out there for us to purchase. I do believe we give our children a reason to use drugs at the drop of a hat.

We have created a mental wound and the only way we seem to deal with this is through drug treatment. We do not have any sort of wound healing process for this pain relief at the tip of our fingers, accept more medicine.

I understand these particular drugs we recommend to each and every soul are not mind altering drugs. They do not cause us to change personally. We do not have to hide the use of these drugs. Crimes are not being committed to get these drugs to feed our addictions.

There are billions of dollars to be made in this business and advertising is the way to sell them. So this will not go away, nor do I believe it should go away.

There is a seed being planted here. It is pounded at us daily sometimes many times a day that it's a good idea to use these drugs. Why suffer any aches and pains.

Medicine is the answer to all our problems. There is nothing that medicine cannot take care of. That is how it all sounds to me.

I wonder how a small child interprets this message. They grow up seeing it, hearing it, and doing it.

We tell them not to do these particular drugs, ie. pot, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, cigarettes, and many other drugs that are causing havoc in our world. I wonder how that sinks in the minds of some of our children. It's good to take this but never take that.

Reminds me of the story in the bible of Adam and Eve. You can eat the fruit of any tree in the Garden except this particular apple tree. Does that sound familiar?

Your kids are over at their friends and your child tells their friends mommy they have a stomach ache or some kind of ache so she gives them kids medicine to help and she says you will be all better now! They grow up in this type of world that medicine is the cure all in their small developing minds.

How can we develop a wound healing process for something that starts early in a child's life. Maybe it's best to work on avoiding the mental wound for starters.

A wound healing process is not necessary if there is no wound. Healing a mental wound is extremely difficult to accomplish without the one wounded fully accepting the process to heal that wound. It can be extremely difficult to get a person to realize they have a severe problem in the first place. Especially when it refers to their mental health.

Here is where common sense becomes a valuable tool for the parents, guardians, teachers, and child care takers. We often use the same problem solving tools that we were taught. If one were raised to take medicine for aches and pains by their parents they will most likely do the same. It is a vicious circle the learning process.

We need to get off the beaten path. Medicine is great but not to abuse it as I believe many do. You must be wise about your decisions never take it for granted that a child just has a simple stomach ache it could be more serious. Never take nothing for granted, every ache and pain does have a cause, especially for a child who may not understand the depth of their ailment.

Teach Your Child to Swim - 5 Tips to Make it Great For Both of You

Learning to swim is one of the big milestones for both kids and their parents. For parents who are planning to teach their kids to swim themselves instead of enrolling them in a swimming class, remember that bad experiences with water during childhood can negatively affect a child's relationship to water for the rest of their life. With that in mind, here are some tips on how to create a positive experience for everyone involved when teaching kids to swim.

1. Don't hurry children learning to swim - encourage but don't push. Make sure you are in a good mood and prepared to be both patient and supportive. Any teaching opportunity is a chance to further develop the trust and mutual respect in parent-child relationships, and with swimming in particular it is important to be there for your kid. If your child is brand new to water, it will probably take more than one session to teach them to swim.

2. Get into the water slowly. Don't start out in the deep end. Get into the shallow end with your child and have them practice swimming there. For young children, place your arms under the kid's armpits and guide them through the water. Trusting water and learning to swim is a gradual process and doesn't happen all at once, so always be ready for your child to get scared suddenly and need to grab onto you or go back to the shallow end.

3. Show them the basics of swimming. Once a child is comfortable swimming with you guiding them under the arms, switch to holding them by their waist. This gives the kid more freedom to move while still keeping you involved. Encourage the child to kick their legs and paddle with their arms. Move them around the pool as they practice swimming with their limbs to get them used to the feeling and so they have a chance to experiment with breathing while swimming. Give them tips if they're open to them, but also remember that most of the basics of swimming can (and perhaps should) be learned independently.

4. Show them how to float. Floating is a great way to learn to feel comfortable in water and is also a useful safety technique. You can help your kid learn to float by starting in the shallow end and extending your hands, palms up, just under the surface of the water. Next, encourage your child to slowly fall back onto your hands. Have them push out their belly and arch their back; encourage them relax their neck and legs. Keep their hands under your child's back until they seems to be floating on their own; then, slowly lower your hands from the child's back.

5. When your kid is ready, you should actively encourage your child to start swimming on their own. Kids always need supervision when swimming, especially when they have just learned. Stand in the deep end and have your child swim to you from the shallows. This way, your kid has a goal in mind and you can dole out comfort and congratulations when they have achieved it.